a buhbye to zero-nine

Nicole will start the NEW YEAR with a BLOG! este BANG pala..haha

2009.

Everyday was an exhilirating adventure. A period of self-doubt and self-discovery. Kudos to myself and everyone else for getting this far and surviving the year that passed. It wasn't what i thought it would be, but i am in no way dissapointed. God's plan for my 09 was well plotted and i know that it all happened for a reason.

I'll try to make this short because honestly i myself hate long blog posts :)

As silly as it might seem, i actually made a note of my supposed new year's resolution. As far as i can recall it was one long ass list, but.. don't ask me what they were because i dont remember. So much for putting an effort to the list. haha!

I remember saying to myself, "this is my year, this is our year". Being a college senior, the last year was a period of make or break. Passing, failing, and all these dilemmas. Above all that, the knife in everyone's chest was back then the upcoming NLE. Despite the fact that the NLE is on its way it surely did not stop us from having FUN. lol. Inom, gala at tambay (the triad of our existence).

the many milestones..

Best Debater --TDS Inc., A BPO company launched the "It's Academic! English Challenge" as part of their English Advocacy campaign. A series of challenges were given out, including tests for both written and spoken english. Winning the 1st leg, was already a remarkable feat but winning the 2nd leg was just astonishing. Coming from a provincial university it didnt even cross my mind that i had a shot at winning, i mean we were competing with some of the well-known universities in the metro odds were not that good. But..in the end i was awarded the Best Debater, and hell to the yeah proud to be a BULAKENYA!

Pinning --As a nursing student, this event marked our becoming, a significant prelude to our quest to become RN's. I still remember the procession, walking into a venue filled with friends, family and schoolmates, an overwhelming moment. I couldnt believe it at first, "Ito na ba talaga? Pinning ko na, pinning na namin". I was even guilty of shedding a few tears as the program went about. Memorable :)

Graduation--April 03, 2009. Sa wakas naka-graduate din! haha after 4 gruesome some years of college, degree holder na din! wee! Intensive review sessions started a few days after, way to spoil the graduation fever. ugh. But oh well, at least graduate na. haha!

Board Exams--2 days. It all came down to two days, damn. After months and months of preparation, our minds was already put to the test. We (with my bro and my bessy) checked in to a motel in Sta. Mesa(my 1st time to get inside a motel, bongga ang mirrors! haha). I didnt get to sleep much and woke up at like 4am, talk about my nerves in a verge of meltdown.In my opinion, the first day was tolerable. I was still smiling, "topnotcher na topnother pa din" words that i said to my brother after tests 1-2-3. I was giggling with excitement(to myself, i know i acted like a nutcase) after seeing a handful of familiar questions from our pre-board. IMCI and Peri-op nursing, oh thank you! Sir Riparip, I love you! That afternoon, we headed to the mall to chill, as my brother said "para marelax utak mo". We decide to watch a movie, guess what it is. Drag me to hell, some mind relaxation eh? Come night time, my brother decided to drug me just to fall asleep, he gave me 2 pills of benadryl. It helped i guess. . the 2nd day was dreaded, I couldnt even smile after that. My optimism faded into black. Fear started to rush in again.

TDS days --After our boards while the rest of our colleagues were retreating to the comforts of their homes, 6 of us went straight to Pasig, our home for the next 3 weeks. Exhausted from everything that transpired, all i wanted was to finally rest, but.. we didnt quite just yet. We spent the night talking about the exams, questions, answers, mishaps and everything else. Man, was it a long night! Fun,fun,fun :) The next morning was the big drag, we had to wake up early, not that we had that much of sleep, to get ready for our first day of training. 2 rides from our place to ortigas, plus traffic equals who knows how long the travel will take. Alas! we reached our building, rode the elevator and in to NY. Our trainer was a familiar face, our beloved Sir Mon who taught us soo much.. Drop it like its hot, Rica's and Rita's. Oh the memories. Tiangge hopping, balot and BBq, Trinoma, Coffee afternoons, Pulvoron! The English was way over in our heads i could've sworn that the saleslady almost cried. LOL Met a couple of new friends and had a once in a lifetime experience. Who would forget the thief who should not be named, and Kuya Jeff with all his predictions and stories. A challenge, 3 weeks away from home, we survived it and it was hella fun! Two of my valuable possesions were broken during our 3 week escapade: my N95, and my heart. Broke up with my then boyfriend :(

RN-- I passed the Phil. NLE. Nicole Lei Ma. Paz Socorro Perez Fonacier, RN. Probably the longest name on the list. I cant even put into words the joy i felt upon hearing the good news. I learned it from one of my good friends Lenz, who was the first to send me the text. Followed by my older brother's horrendous knocking on the door showing me a picture he took from the list of board passers. One of the happiest moments of my life! No words can equal the joy i felt :)

The many firsts..

*Driving a car, stick shift, and by myself! A few bumps here and there but hey every beginner went through that :)

*Total black out after drinking, the last thing i remembered was talking to my friend then wham! woke up with a massive headache and my clothes all changed. What the fudge! good thing it happened in my house!

*Trying to smoke.A HS buddy taught me how, and it wasnt a pleasant experience. Note: I only smoke when i drink and hang out with my college friends, well at that time it was like 2x a week.LOL

*Completing a Novena and a grand Church tour before the board exams :)

*First time I ate PARES. I didnt even know what it looked like, it was a big mystery to me. Good thing my bessy made me try it! yum,yum :)

*Riding a packed bus in the metro, and had to stand up during the whole course of the trip. Add traffic and voila, a perfect addition to an impending badtrip! haha

*and a lot more.. my memory is failing me.

Treasures..

my barkada-- Dencio, Alaine, Thet and Madz. My friends from start and hopefully til the end. 2009 has been rough for us, being busy with all other things, we dont see each other as much as we used to. We still find time for our bonding moments, and thats whats important. Love them so much.

Bes Ambie--my bestest best friend, pano ko ba idescribe to? haha! She was able to put up with me for years, haba ng pasensya nya infairness. . Thank you for a wonderful year beskoi!

KO friends-- mga kapanalig kay Kyla, thank you for the friendship.. kelan kaya ulit ako makasama sa inyo?

3A Grp 2 and 4C Grp 8,-- the crazy bundle of student nurses. Dami natin napagdaanan sa labas at loob ng hospital, miss u guys so much. Our drinking sessions, strolls, picture taking and tsismisang walang humpay. haha! :)

College barkada-- drinking buddies? bi's? haha loved every minute with my all of u. CofiCut at Orange, tara na! haha. Special mention to Camille, Mika, and Jose. Miss hanging out with them already :(

Cousins and relatives-- From both sides. My extended family. Looking forward to whats in stored for us this 2010 :) Are you smelling a reunion?? haha

Family--my brothers, EJ and RP.. add me to the group and there's gonna be a huge rumble. haha! my ma and pa, the ever so overprotective and supportive. haha Love them, No doubt :))

New Barkada-- Monday volleyballers/Friday Sessioners. ahaha. Accepted me when i first got here, being the newbie and all. To my BFf's Kevin, Mhay, and Rubi. Love u all :)

Ikaw-- oo ikaw nga!Whoever is reading this.. kasama ka din sa treasures ko :) *hugs

Lovelife..

Starting 2010, SINGLE!

Haay, dont even get me started. Way back when or i think even until now I've always been the one to admire the beauty around me. So yes! I have tons on crushes, LOL sometimes i try to make friends with them, successful at times but most of the time it doesnt really lead to anything worth keeping. I just love to keep my options open and Im still searching..

I thought I had him , i actually thought that my search was over. I fell in love, but.. in the end i fell out of it. For one, I am a pretty demanding, and he couldnt keep up with it.. I guess I grew tired of his many excuses. Dont wanna give out too many details. We eventually broke up and love lost! But trust me, I've moved on :)

Now that I'm single and ready to mingle..
Hey you! Whoever you are, i know you're out there. Im so tired of being alone, so hurry up and get here :))

The big change..

One big step I had to make in 09 was a more of a permanent step out of the life i lived for the past 19 years of my existence, moving to the US.

I found out about it during the first quarter of 09, and didnt think that it was for real or if the plan would even materialize. Well, obviously it did, and i've been staying here for almost 5 months already.

Leaving my friends and family behind was a big heartbreak. Walikng out from the life you were so used to was even harder. I spent my last days in Pinas with them, and tried to make the most out of it as possible. Happy memories :)

## The year that passed me by was filled of ups and downs, twists and turns. I enjoyed the adventure, and wouldnt trade it for anything. Im not perfect, there are countless times that i screwed up and countless times that i hurt someone's feelings. Im SORRY, for everything that I did wrong.

There are a thousand WHAT IF's but the hell with that,when the clock hits 12mn everything will be in reset. A new book to start, a new page to write.

My deepest gratitude to the Creator for giving me a wonderful 2009 and giving me the chance to

live up to 2010. God is good indeed.

Thank you to everyone who made my 2009 colorful :)
Looking forward to another memorable year.

With lots of love.

God speed :)

Freudian Slip

I had a dose of slips this week. Slip of the tongue, who doesn't?

When i was in college, in my not so distant past, I learned that there were actually medical terminologies used to decribe the common. Like Sex as Coitus, Sweating as to diaphoresis and as to the slip of the tongue is freudian slip. It was named after Sir Sigmund Freud, a famous Psychoanalyst. So much for the lecture...

One instance; Me and my cousin were on our way to my mom's work. A long drive.The subject of our conversation were psych patients and their antics. While we were at it, I was also texting my old mid.school classmate Mike and we were talking about more of the adult stuff (feeling adult ako eh. hahaha). Just imagine the words that would come out when my thoughts get mixed up with the two topics. Haha!

My cousin asked me about music and art therapy and how it helps patients, tracing back to all the countless hours of studying Psych Nursing, the answer was already in my head. When my mouth opened for the answers something else came out. With a knowledgeable tone I said " Do an Exotic Lap dance". My cousin was like "WTF are you talking about?".

There it was, a freudian slip. I was basically caught in two thoughts. Something from the sub/unconscious went out to be revealed in my conscious world.

Just a thought

Parents. They conceived us and gave us life. Heck! if it wasnt for them I wouldnt even be here typing and you wouldnt be there reading. If I start describing them I wouldnt know where to stop. Our parents are the ones who love us unconditionally, nurture us to become bright individuals and support us at our every stage of development. They are our foundation. Do you think that are we giving them the love and respect that they rightfully deserve?

I was born and raised in the typical Filipino family. Protective? Strict? yes to both. Even if we feel tied down because of our parent's caution there is no doubt that they love us in every way.

Kids will be kids. We lie, sneak out of the house, steal money occasionally (or when in desperate need, like always), we rebel, we fight back, sometimes we just disregard and disrespect them. Im no saint, and i admit that there were times that I did them wrong and I know that you did too.

Whatever misunderstanding that we have, they remain utmost patient with us. They never resent nor abandon us. They try to understand our mood swings. They still make us breakfast in the morning and still say good night.

Think about it, what did you do for your mom and dad lately? No need for fancy dinners or expensive gives, a simple ILY will do, just to let them know that you're still there for them

Surprised

I am now looking for words to get through with this entry, so help me God.

Yesterday, Sunday. A couple of us went to church to hear mass. The church was in Wisconsin, a state just along side illinois, it was almost a 2 hour drive or so i think. The ride was kinda long and boring mainly because we dont talk that much in the car.Blah, blah. After sometime, we eventually got to the destination. The Holy Hill.

There were so many people there so we ended up parking at the base and walk up-hill to get to the church. As we went up, we were greeted from people you were up and about. There were so many Filipinos too but we just walked not paying that much attention because everyone just minded their own business.

The short walk from the elevators to the main church was nothing but breathtaking. W-O-W! The view of Wisconsin from above was such a wonderful sight, it actually felt like im on top of the world, but that was just me.

We said our wishes and prayers then attended mass. It was the first mass I attended since I got here, and besides the place it was pretty much the same feel. Then the bewildering part happened. During communion as everyone lined up, it was already my turn. I looked up to the priest ready to receive the Eucharist, that's when I heard him say "Katawan ni Kristo". He spoke tagalog! It wouldnt be so weird if he was Filipino to begin with but no he was so white and american, now you see the shock? I actually thought I was hallucinating and just kept my mouth shut about it not until after the ceremony. I asked my brother about it but he said that he heard the priest say "Body of Christ". Aargh! Was i going crazy? I could've sworn that i heard otherwise. And I asked again, this time it was my aunt, to my relief she said that she heard the same thing. Oh was I relieved! For one I was not going insane, and second why does he know our language.

Before leaving the place, I eventually got the answer to my query. The priest said that their congregation(whatever that's called, sorry for not knowing) had a chapter in Davao and that he was once stationed in the Quezon province. Soo that was why. Thrilled as I was, we said "salamat" and he answered us with a smile "walang anuman".

Certified Biatch

Since I got here, which was just a couple of weeks back, I spend my monday nights in a nearby gym and play volleyball. Just a small gathering of our kind out to have some fun and play a good decent ball game. There around 20+ people who attend every monday, you can say its a nice way to mingle and meet new people knowing that im just new.

After a few games, i realized one thing, one crucial thing. I suck! as in I am no good at vball. Hey, at least im trying. Yes, i know how to play. I mean, when i was still in middle school I was actually part of the team, but that was way way back year 2000 or so, i think. The last time I played vball before this was way back freshman year in college. It got me thinking, do i suck because of lack of practice? or do i just suck period? Its kinda hard to gain new friends when you're the causing their defeat. Depressing!

Last monday while at the game, i learned that this bitch-of-a-teamate was talking shit about me. Well, it was basically because im no good for the team, thats what she thinks. I didnt snap and i remained calm. I didnt need her approval anyways, I was trying my best and i was doing my job.
Forgive me if im not good, but she was not some pro anyway. The nerve! It was supposed to be about unity but she's acting like she's all that, aargh. Irritating.

I wont mind her, i'll do my thing and she can do hers. The hell i care.

big 2-0!

Counting down 10 more days before i reach 20. The thought of adding another year to my life is sor of depressing. For one, i feel that im not doing much to satisfy my crave for excitement and adventure. Ambivalent, I want to take risk just to make things spontaneous but at the same time im afraid for the mayhem that it could bring to my life. Aargh. Gulo ko noh? hahaha

For the past 19 years of my lowly existence, i did accomplish a lot (or at least).I fell in love. I got dumped. I got cheated on (asshole).I met wonderful people. I gained new friends. Bonds of friendship were strenghtened. I fell in love again,and i blew it for some selfish reason.I finished 3 levels of Education. Weee! Elementary, High School, and College. Earning me a Bachelor of Science in Nursing Degree.I passed the Phil. Nurse's Licensure Exam. Now i can trully feel the joy of having RN as an appendage :) I won a National Debate Competition. I attended my first employment training. I moved back to the US. And is now a bum. haha. whats next for this 20 year-old eh?

blog-worthy?

I watched the movie Julie& Julia last night and boy did it make my mind twirl. It made me think, what can i do to make this blog colorful? hmm hard question.

Fact is I hardly even visit the site, like once in a blue moon. I don't even think that my blogs are blog worthy or if anyone reads my shit. You know what? f* that, i dont really care if anyone reads it. Way way back, when i was still in Highschool i used to love writing my heart out even just for petty reasons. Its a way of channeling emotions and stuff and boy! it works as in! It helped me get through some of my mind-boggling meltdowns. Now, I have this blog, which pretty much has the same purpose but hah! i cant even manage it properly.

I have to make a promise to myself, i need to make a blogging routine or i just have to make it colorful. Not for my alleged readers but for me! Its not about their life anyways its for me,me and me. Narcissistic? Not really just being true.

:))

cool change

Its been years since i last set foot in this foreign land.aha! But now its safe to say that im back, and i'll stay for a WHILE.. Duration=Uncertain. haha!

I dont know what im supposed to do but everything about it entails a dose of sacrifice. I am definitely missing pinas, but being homesick is part of the whole going away package. All I have to do is suck it up and start living life here. Hard is just an understatement but i can do it.

A definite advantage is that i am now living in the US with my parents.There are more job oppurtunities here. If im lucky,i get to snag a real hot american dude with blue eyes! hahah.
Love it.

RN :)

The long wait took it's toll last July 25th. Yay! Its official.

Nicole Lei Ma. Paz Socorro Perez Fonacier RN. :)

It was about 9ish in the evening when I received a text message from a certain friend, it goes "ui girl congrats. galing m! hanep". And with that I was like "ha?" Confused and all. I know that the board exam results is due to be released at any minute but it still caught me by surprise. That's when my friend told me that I P-A-S-S-E-D. I didn know how to react at first but I really felt like crying as I jumped off my bed. In a split second my brother came knocking to the door screaming my name. He showed me a pic taken from the internet with my devastatingly long name printed in black and white. I hugged him tight and thanked him. The feeling was phenomenal. Right there and then, messages from all over were already coming in, ranging from congratulations to names with RNs haha! One life changing night indeed.



The feeling of fulfilment and relief flooded my whole self as the night went by. I immediately told my parents, who in turn declared how proud they were of me and so on. It was really great! it wasnt just me, i shared the feeling with my friends and classmates as well. All 170 of us, the new RN's of our Alma Mater.

It was a stand out accomplishment indeed but i know my road doesnt end there. I still have millions of miles ahead of me. Weeeeeeeeeeeeee!

Sentiments of a Tambay

Im running out of things to do, and with that im also running out of things to say. I often think about how my day would run if only, only if.. i still had him with me. I was just wondering though. The break, after all, was no regret. Haay. It just gets so lonely at times that i dont even know how to get through the day. I do love going out but the sad thing is, most of my friends are busy with other stuff so that leaves me with no one. Aargh! We do go out, seldomly though, and it becomes a good "break" from the scrutiny of being a loner in a oh so empty house. Toinks!

So much alone time, gives me time to think. Reminisce about the days, be it college or high school it brings back sooo much. My most treasured, most unforgettable,most embarassing, most irritating stories and all that childhood stuff. If i blog about them now probably this post will be soo long that by the time im finished my hand will be swelled up pretty bad. hah!

Now im not even sure if im still making any sense, words just pop out off my head, type it down without even bothering to strain it for the not-so-interesing info. Oh well bear with please. This can be very hard. Hahahaha!

An attempt to a decent blog story (part 1)

Story:

(At some random club. There's this girl, slightly intoxicated but can still hit it good on the dance floor. There's this boy,alone, holding a bottle of beer and is carefully scouting for a girl to dance with. Cupid struck his magic arrow and walah! Boy and girl bumped to each other, and all this while "Poker Face" was playing on the background. Haah! )

Boy: Hey pretty thing!
Girl: Hi, how nice of you to catch me.
B: The name is John by the way.
G: Kaye here, nice to meet you.

(And so they met. Not the ideal introduction but it was a start. The conversation went on)

John: Care to dance?
Kaye: Can you keep up?
J: I'll try too.
K: Hmm. You better be.

("Cookie jar" was playing and the two danced their way in the middle of the floor. K was a natural, took ballet in elementary and part of the univ. dance squad for 2yrs now. She grooved and she moved to the beat, kinda drunk but still with sound mind. J, trying to keep up, was also dancing to the song. He was amazed at how lovely K was moving just inches from him. He was already feeling hot, confused of what he is feeling, "could it be the alcohol? or he was already falling head over heels with the damsel with him?" The music stopped and so did K.)

J: you ok?
K: Yup, im good. I think another beer.
J: Are you with friends?
K: Yes, they're right over there (unsure of the direction)
J: ok, ill walk you over.
K: sure.

(They walked from across the room towards K's companions. Upon seeing K with "some guy", they all wondered who he was. As K&J reached the table, the brief intro was given with the usual "hi's" and "nice to meet you" statements)

K: Guys, This is john. John this is everyone.
John: Hey.

( For her friends, he is suspicious. J was wearing a green top with the appropriate bling and jeans with white sneakers, looks normal if you might say. A babe magnet from first glance, chingky eyes, fair skin complementing his black hair, and that innocent smile that women love. "Hmm, can he be trusted?" one said. Paranoia was in their minds, but hell! they were in a club one can meet one with no set backs, its not like they're getting married. Duh!)


to be continued.....

t/th

I just completed a speech training in one of the BPO companies based in Ortigas. Overall the experience was great and fun-filled. I learned and realized a lot of things. The training was comprised of topics regarding confidence-building, accent neutralization,polishing grammar skills, getting he job you want, Fil. vs American expressions and all that. I learned all of those and I am but satisfied with my marked improvement from day 1 up to our final training day. Weee!

What did i realize?

1. I tend to be monotonous when i speak. My trainer said that I am having a hard time to vary the tone of my voice given a certain conversation. I was unconsciously making that mistake.

2. With regards to enunciation, I have problems with pronouncing t's and th's. Its really bothering on my part because I only found out about it recently wih this training.

3. During interviews, I realized that being determined to get a certain job will eventually require you to lie a little bit. Its not that you're not telling them the truth, just dont tell them everything. And most importantly, smile :)

4. Ultimate Realization: I am really for NURSING. Yesterday, i applied for a "known and stable" Call Center but I was declined. With the way the interview went and how i delivered my everyline, i thought that I was in it for sure but then again I was wrong. The interviewer's remark was that I lack the staying power because I stated that i still want to pursue nursing (which was true).

Furthermore,i will use the things i realized to my advantage given another chance. It was worth the try because i gained something in return.

peace out :)

Isn't it?

Being in love is just so euphoric. How it feels when you hold each other's hand while walking in a busy street. How it feels like when you dont pay attention to anything else when you start to look straight to each other's eyes. The warmth of every hug and that "kilig" feeling everytime you kiss. Sweet as candy if you might say. Extraordinary, amazing, and trully priceless.

Its nice to be in love. Its nice to feel needed and cared for. Its nice to have someone around when you feel so left out. Its nice to have someone who understands you even you transform from nice girl to moody and irritable. Its really nice to be in love.

I had my share of good and bad love. I know how it feels to be left out and how to leave someone. Experience surely is a teacher. Love has its flaws, it involves choices and risks. Happiness in one relationship not only depends on the love that you share but also in trust and firm initiative to make something work.

In one's life, it would be such a shame if you dont experience love. It can be that missing piece that can complete your existense

No Right

Criticism for me is a way of finding out how you do, be it the best and the bad. It was never a question of what the criticism is because it can change you. Critics see us in a way that differs how we see ourselves and if it means that they will blurt out what they think then let them. It all come s down to how you accept and bear with this. Negative thoughts about how you work, speak, act or whatever can hurt at times but its better to know than to not know at all.
How you improve and carry yourself after learning this is what separates you from the idiot and the professional you.

In college our batch was often termed as the"Best Batch" and so they say but for a fact we can never please everyone. All through out our four years, we have been handled by almost all the instructors in our college. We worked hard and got to where we are right now, graduates.

The batch was shocked to learn that a certain instructor(let us call him B), posted some not so good things about us on the net and as a normal reaction in the animal kingdom, everyone was pissed off and at rage. B was so off when he said that we were all out of our places and had no respect, i mean who was he to judge us when he didnt even got the chance to handle us during our undergrad years. We chose to keep cool not to fight B in his own game because doing so just makes us no better than him. We are professionals and we will remain that way all throughout.

Criticisms are acceptable but having your name stepped on with no factual basis was out of the question.

Fear and Doubt

My 4 years in the academe is already nearing its finish line. In a couple of hours i'll be walking on that stage and eventually get my diploma. There are still doubts and fears in my mind, im sure everyone of us does. Scary in a way that a lot of things are uncertain, life just got an upgrade but how to use this upgrade to grow all the more is still a mystery in my part. Doubtful of how i actually view this world in front of me. I am afraid to take risks but it is in risks that i learn.

On the way

In a couple of days from today I will be walking the final walk. A distance not more than 2 meters or so, a mere 2 meters but it definitely mean so much. On April 3, 2009, another one from the Perez-Fonacier line will walk towards a college diploma.Its been said that in a certain level of education a diploma is the one most sought after. In my case,I beg to differ.

My 4 years in college was no walk in the park. There were sleepless nights, beating deadlines, enormous books, back breaking duties, nose bleed recitations, and those tormenting exams and quizzes. A typical scenario in a nursing student's life if you might say. Lessons were learned, things were discovered. I cannot consider myself as an expert or some sort nor do i see myself working as a full pledged nurse just about now. I am but a novice, still with a lot to learn and a lot to discover.

If there is one thing I can be trully proud of, it would definitely be how this experience changed me drastically. This idea not only includes the knowledgde, the skills nor the attitude but more. A drastic transformation occured from then to now. I used to be this slacker who couldnt care less of anything but the things i can benefit from but now it all opened up to a whole new perspective. I learned to appreciate time,appreciate rest, appreciate friends, appreciate family and appreciate God. Life is but tough for all of us but if we could just appreciate everything that is right in front of us, maybe just maybe we can be more happy.

Life can be unfair at times, given some circumstances but this can be of help just when we least expect it. I have been fooled, bullied, and treated unfairly by classmates, professors, and even friends. For some time, the bitterness crowded my soul I am not even sure if im free of it totally but its not much of a bother anymore. It thought me how to adapt to life's cruelty and uncertainty. We will all be fooled and abused at some point in our lives, the question there is when and how prepared will you be. In my advantage, i have been hurt so many times even by the people i love thats why whenever time will come that it will happen again, i will be more prepared and ready to act.

Its kinda silly of me to turn this blog entry from graduation to life, oh well it is still related.. isnt it? :)

Nicole, bad?

Nicole the good girl is now turning over to the bad side. Yes I am aware of it, I think I am practicing my independence in an overly-exagggerated manner.

I used to drink OCCASSIONALY, but now it seems like my blood alcohol level is already reaching the higher end. Smoking is another plus, i am getting the hang of it already and to tell you frankly, it is fun. Though there is still one thing i havent tried, and seems like it will take long before i try it, Sex. My new year's resolution for 09 is pretty simple, just 2 words actually : GET LAID!. haha Its not a must but its a must try. I mean, it has to happen in some point in my life, just dont know when though.

Last night, i was out with some girlfriends. Initial plan was to just chill and have coffee but after a few hours we decided to drink instead. We didnt drink that much, but the amount of booze that flowed into my system was just about enough to make my senses a bit (oh alright, extremely) low. I went home wasted. I threw up, almost fell off a flight of stairs and nearly hit my head in the wall. Haay.. It was a fun night but the morning after that was hell. My head felt like it was splitting apart and my whole world was like vertigo.

I think I have not completely gone bad, Im just starting to live my life.

Smoking 101

Last sunday night my senses was introduced to the pleasurable yet sinful act of smoking. Ever since the world began, smoking has been a taboo for the Fonacier children. For the very first time, i broke this rule without them knowing, my parents of course.

It all just came to me. Growing up and seeing people around me belch white puffy smoke out of their mouths and nostrils, i never really had a thing for their bad habit. My father smokes, as in he smokes bigtime. Same is true with my uncles and some cousins. Friends? definitely. No doubt, its everywhere. I used to hate it, and wouldnt even dare try it. My friends would usually offer a cigarette, but i just couldnt take. It went on until I reached college. The chain ended last sunday night.

My words were a surprise to everyone. It went, "turuan nyo nga ako manigarilyo" and they couldnt believe it at first. They gave me my first stick and i finally, i was about to start smoking. Inhale, hold and puff it out, simple instructions but for a beginner it was hard. I eventually started smoking after a few sticks, a few coughs and a few laughs.

Fun? uhm, not totally. Pleasurable? cant seem to understand why the love it. I told them that I would just finish a box which has about 20 sticks in it. I already consumed 3 and that means 17 more to go. No more after that, and you can mark my word for it.

It was never my intention to get addicted nor make it a vice. Curiosity drove me into this and well, it sure did teach me something. Perceptions about smoking may differ, and one can never generalize. For me, everyone should try it even ONCE in their lives. It wouldnt hurt if you just try it one time.

hot

I know that its not just me, the weather is like a wild forest fire. As in scorching hot, my resort is to stay locked up in my room with my airconditioner at full blast, hah! The problem is, electricity aint cheap and while im here enjoying the comfort of cool air, my electric bill is piling up on its self as well.

I am a frustrated environmentalist, i do care about nature in some sense. I remember joining a speech contest way back last year, the theme was about the whole Global Warming craze. As I was busy coking up my piece, i ended up renting Al Gore's documentary about GW. The video in itself is alarming, and how the projected outcomes will be if people do not act. Blah!Blah!Blah! I got a lot of pointers from that video and it helped me alot not only in my piece but also with how i viewed the whole situation.

Before,I couldnt care less of how everything is, I dont really pay attention when it comes to Mother Earth and all that environmental bul$h*t. After my thought-changing experience, it all made a lot of sense. A professor told me that my speech was moving (but sadly i didnt win because it lacked some of the elements) and the delivery was remarkable. The prize was no longer an issue that time, the more important thing was if my listeners understood what i said, and i think they did.

My call was to TAKE NOTICE, observe, lok and see how are world is fast changing because one day we might be all surprised to see how different it is just because we failed to take notice.

The first step, TAKE NOTICE. When you have accomplished this, you yourself can figure out what the NEXT step will be.

cold valentines

Hearts day is fast approaching. Like every other year, I spend my the 14th alone, lonesome and lonely. Every year I would always say, "Next year will not be like this", but the whole scenario just repeats itself as this day comes.3 more days to go and i hoping for a change. I wish someone will break this chain of loneliness.

missing him

I havent seen him for days, work and school matters. Haay!
I miss how he makes me smile even when im so down.
I miss how he would notice the simplest things.
I miss it when he puts my hand in his chest, just to feel his heart beating is for me and only me.
I miss how he explains every little circumstance in the world even if it doesnt call for it.
I miss his smile. I miss his expressive eyes.
I miss everything about him.

Undecided

I am kinda caught between two streams, to stay or not to stay? that is the question. NLE exam is fast approaching, graduation just a few more sleeps away and i am scared to wake up one morning saying "hello world, what have you got for this bum today?".

When i was in High school, i didnt really pay that much attention to what i would be in the future probably because i was past and present-oriented, the hell with the future! (that was before though). As I live the last few days of my college life, i am now tormented by how the world will be after i walk out of my academe.

the options:

1. Migrate. Plans of moving to the US was always present in my life, i lived there before but didnt appreciate it much. Now, i am older and wiser, my view of the whole US thing changed. I am so excited to be there once again, but.. there has always been a down side to it.
2.Stay. Pinas will always be my home, and this is the one place i want to be in when i grow old. The option of working and staying here has its pros and cons, but economically speaking i think the cons outweigh the advantages.
3. Medicine. I have thought of it alot lately, I want to be a doctor. I dont care how people in my circle try to discourage me, i still want to pursue it. Problem with this is the finances and the time. It definitely cost a lot more than highschool and nursing combined, and its just not that practical. 4 years of nursing plus another 6 years of med school plus another 4 years of residency, how old will i be before i harbor the fruits of my labor.
4. Wait for my tide to come. The only option with no definite means nor end.

I am in a whirlpool of unorganized thoughts right now, but before i lead my self the real insanity, there is only one thing to do.. FOCUS on the present, the future can wait.

alive and kicking!

1. How did you spend your chinese new year? ---I was in the hospital (duty), not much celebrating done.
3. What do you look forward in the next 3mos? ---nursing board exam :)
4. who was the last person to text you? ---ambie
5. what does it say? ---"naku, naku"
6. do you prefer to call or text? ---calls, but texts are cheaper so i'll go for either way.
7. do you have any pets? ---a dog named bishop, super cutie!
8. what were you doing at 12am?---asleep
9. what about 12pm? ---in school, waiting for my 12:30 class.
10. when was the last time you cried? ---friday last week, heart2heart with my bestbud.
11. what are you doing right now? ---this.
12. how many books have you read? ---more than few
14. Do you prefer shoes or slippers? ---slippers! definitely more comfy.
15. are you a social person? ---i think i am.
16. what was the last thing you ate? ---vegetable salad..yum!
17. what is your fave dish? ---kare-kare, tuna sisig, tenderloin steak, there's just too many!
18. what are you doing for your next birthday? ---6 Flags of America baby! excited!
19. what is your favorite car color? ---gotta be red!(but my car now is silver.haha)
20. what are you wearing now? ---shorts and a tee
21. do you like coffee or tea? ---i hardly drink coffee and tea
22. where you watching TV? ---our TV is broken :c
24. Who knows more about you than anyone else? ---cant' say, they know what they see.
25. What is one thing nobody knows about you? ---you tell me! :)
26. do you know how to play poker? ---never got the chance to learn.
27. what are you thinking about right now? ---what to do after this.haha!
28. any plans for this weekend? ---review,review,review!
30. have you already made a resolution for 2009? ---i can't mention it here, but its a must for 09!
32. what is your desktop wallpaper? ---my emo pic, shot in the pay ward of BMC.
33. have you ever been in an ambulance? ---uhm, yes!haha
34. how you prefer a beach or pool? ---beach! bora is a dream that im hoping to come true
35. how many true friends do you have? ---its hard to count.
37. what is your favorite thing to spend money on? ---food and clothes! weakness.
38. do you wear any jewelry? ---m not that into it, but i do love accesories.
39. what's your fave shake? ---banana flip? haha strawberry milkshake.
40. what's your fave cocktail drink? ---im not into names, i just like drinking them!haha
41. have you ever told someone something then regretted it? ---yeah, i had my share of regrets.
42.what is your favorite season of the year? ---Fall in the US, Summer in Pinas :)
43.What is your favorite time of day? ---8pm onwards, sleep or gimmick or whatever :)
44.What is the main ring tone on your cell phone? ---now, its Single Ladies by beyonce.
45. Do you shut off the water when you brush your teeth? ---nope.
46.What do you want for your birthday? ---black PSP, please oh please!
47.What is your favorite item to order n Mcdo ? ---cheeseburger deluxe, i just love it!
48. do you wish someone was with you right now? ---yessum, wish he was here with me.
50. Why are you happy? ---because im still alive and kicking!

Pseudo-Relationship

If you try to look up the word “Pseudo” in the dictionary, it is defined as something that is not real or false, in other words, it does not exist.
So now, what is a “Pseudo-relationship”? As defined by so many sentimental, emotional, delusional and suicidal people, it is a relationship wherein a man and a woman (confusingly) is in a bond that is deeper that friendship, but most certainly LESSER than an intimate relationship, such as those who are romantically inclined with each other. And that boys and girls, lead to another significant question, “What are they exactly?”
The answer to that is not easy to reckon about, in fact, the answer is only known to those who are directly involved (the man and the woman).
What we have here is a classic example of a love-gone-wrong type of thing, and being in such a mess can lead to extreme paranoia and anxiety. Most of the time, the woman are those who gravely suffer from distress because when it comes to problems of the heart, women are much weaker.

NOTE: When you feel that you are entering or coming down to a pseudo-relationship, think it over for a million times. Settle your doubts and confusions because if you don’t, there are so much to risk and you’ll most likely to end up getting hurt.

losing it

A song is playing in the back of my mind, I can't seem to get it off. LSS? maybe. I think Im losing it once again, my mind that is. The tiny piece of string that keeps my thoughts together is in the brink of being cut off. I am not yet crazy but it seems like life's circumstances makes me think otherwise. I need help. Toinks

The humid weather is starting to get on my nerves already.

Earlier, I was in the hospital on my usual duty, it would have been usual only if i was not assigned in the pediatric ward. The hospital is Bulacan Medical Center, a tertiary hospital situated in the heart of Bulacan. Of all the wards in that hospital, the pedia ward is the one that i dislike the most. As in. I could not imagine how patients and their relatives get by the whole day in that place, its hot, dark, noisy and not really conducive for an ill child. My stay is limited only to 6-7 hours and i already feel like getting sick, what more if i stay there 24-7, talk about living hell.

stopnics.blogsot

Hello world!
I am opening up a new blog site www.stopnics.blogspot.com

Everyone is free to comment on whatever is posted, just do remember that everything posted is part of my intellectual property, defying this will be sanctioned. :)